“Don’t cry! Toughen up! Just move on!”

Our culture values the “rugged toughen up” approach – to charge through despite sadness, fear and trauma.  While this approach may have helped some to survive, in the long run, it can get in the way of deep healing.

When we don’t acknowledge our fears, hurt and sadness, that part doesn’t just go away.  It gets locked away deep down inside of us – protected.  You spend all your energy and attention (most often subconsciously) towards protecting yourself and avoiding those feelings from surfacing.

And when you lock that vulnerable part of you away, you also lock away the beautiful part of yourself that was there BEFORE you got hurt or traumatized – joy, flexibility, creativity, trust, openness etc….

As a result, you may become defensive, rigid, and avoidant.  Your tolerance of handling emotions may become smaller.

Real resilience and deep healing comes from truly acknowledging that part of yourself that was hurt.

Part of going to therapy is to help uncover those neglected parts. Instead of moving away from it, move towards it with courage and compassion in the safety and supportive guidance of a therapist.

And to help your children increase their resilience, help them understand what’s happening inside them.  Acknowledge their hurt, fears and pain so they can build courage to turn inwards.

It is then that they can fully accept all parts of themselves and build resilience.