Understanding your child’s brain...

The “downstairs brain” is the primitive part of the brain that controls basic functions such as breathing, strong emotions ( i.e. anger, fear) and reactions to danger like the fight or flight responses.  This part of the brain is already DEVELOPED AT BIRTH.

The “upstairs brain” controls higher order thinking such as, empathy, critical thinking, self-awareness, problem solving and decision making.  This part of the brain is UNDERDEVELOPED in children.  It continues to be under construction until their mid-20s.

Our brains develop from the bottom up. Young children especially ages 1-3 have the most meltdowns because their upstairs brain is underdeveloped.  It is unrealistic for caregivers to expect their children to be reasonable, calm and to make sense of their feelings all the time.  Children ages 5-7 are only beginning to develop their ‘thinking’ brain.

The goal for parents is to help their children strengthen the connection (a “staircase”) between their upstairs and downstairs brain.  Doing so can help them make good decisions and regulate their emotions better.  When parents reassure and validate their children when they are upset, it builds a ‘staircase’ between the upstairs and downstairs brain so that the higher parts of the brain can effectively communicate with and override the lower, more primitive impulses.

When a child is afraid, distraught or stressed, his/her downstairs brain is overwhelmed, shutting the ‘baby gate’ and restricting access to the upstairs brain.  Many behaviours that adults think of as misbehaviour are actually behaviours in response to stress.  If a parent responds with punitive measures, the child stays in the downstairs brain even longer without having access to their thinking upstairs brain. No matter how much you lecture, and punish your child, he/she will not be in the right mindset to listen, learn or calm down.

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